How to Know a Person

Name: How to Know a Person
Author: David Brooks

David Brooks

See people more deeply by listening with care, asking better questions, and making others feel genuinely understood and valued.

17 min6 Chapters

Listen to the intro

1:43

Relationships

Personal Growth & Self-Help

Society & Culture

Outline

What's it about?

How to Know a Person (2023) explores the skill of truly seeing and understanding other people. David Brooks explains how to ask better questions, listen with care, stay with others in hard times, and appreciate their life stories and perspectives. He argues that this ability to make people feel seen is essential for strong relationships, healthy communities, and a less divided society.

Key ideas

Truly seeing and understanding another person is a skill, and it can be learned and practised.
Better questions open people up and show them you are curious about who they really are.
Listening with care means giving someone your full attention, not waiting for your turn to speak.
Staying beside people in hard times is part of knowing them well.
Making people feel seen supports stronger relationships, healthier communities, and a less divided society.

About the author

David Brooks is an American journalist, author, and commentator who has written a column for The New York Times for many years and now writes for The Atlantic. He writes about politics, culture, character, and human connection, and has taught at Yale University. His books include The Road to Character, The Second Mountain, and How to Know a Person.

Questions people ask

What is the main idea of How to Know a Person?

David Brooks argues that understanding others is a skill built through better questions and careful listening. Making people feel seen is, in his view, essential for strong relationships and a healthier society.

Who is How to Know a Person for?

It suits anyone who wants closer relationships, whether with family, friends, or colleagues. It is also useful for readers interested in communication and in building connection across differences.

How long does the Durar summary of How to Know a Person take?

The Durar summary takes about 15 minutes to read or listen to. It covers the book's main ideas on asking better questions, listening with care, and helping others feel understood.