Say What You Mean
Oren Jay Sofer
Transform conflict into collaboration with a three-step method for staying centred, listening empathetically, and speaking honestly.

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Outline
What's it about?
Say What You Mean (2018) offers a practical approach to communicating clearly and calmly, especially during conflict. Oren Jay Sofer combines mindfulness with the principles of Nonviolent Communication in three steps: staying present, speaking with curiosity and care, and focusing on what matters most. The book includes exercises that help readers listen more deeply and express themselves honestly.
Key ideas
- Clear communication starts with staying present, especially when a conversation turns tense or conflict begins to build.
- The book combines mindfulness with the principles of Nonviolent Communication to make conversations calmer and more honest.
- Oren Jay Sofer's method has three steps: stay present, speak with curiosity and care, and focus on what matters most.
- Listening more deeply is a skill you can practise, and the book includes exercises to build it.
- Conflict can become collaboration when you speak honestly while staying centred and showing care for the other person.
About the author
Oren Jay Sofer is an American meditation teacher and trainer in Nonviolent Communication. He has taught mindful communication for many years to individuals, schools, and organisations.
Questions people ask
What is Say What You Mean about?
It is a practical guide to communicating clearly and calmly, especially during conflict. Oren Jay Sofer blends mindfulness with Nonviolent Communication in a three-step approach.
Who is Say What You Mean for?
It suits anyone who wants to handle disagreements better, whether with family, friends or colleagues. It is for readers who want to listen with more empathy and express themselves more honestly.
How long is the Durar summary of Say What You Mean?
The Durar summary takes about 15 minutes to read or listen to. It covers the three steps and the main ideas behind them.
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